Categories
Uncategorized

Thoughts in pandemic

Hello everyone! How are you guys doing? I hope you all are safe and healthy. Honestly, I am writing this blog just to let out my anxiety and restless thoughts about current events that are happening right now. The world right now is mess and that too a mess beyond everyone’s imagination. This is a freaking apocalyptic nightmare coming true to life. Okay, maybe I am over exaggerating this. Maybe I am not. I don’t know anymore.

Seriously, what the hell is happening? This year started on such a good note of there being finally a vaccine but right now, in my country the condition is worse than the previous year. It is a chaos and that too never ending kind. It’s making me feel all kinds of feeling. Fortunately, none of my family members have been exposed to the infection (touch wood) but the rate at which it is affecting is so high that its just a matter of time. I am very scared. And this is just personal right now the condition is so bad that there aren’t enough qualified personnel and also enough ventilators and oxygen cylinders that could give some relief. The scarcity of oxygen cylinders is such plight that people are actually fighting like cats and dogs to provide one to their infected family members. To make it even more worse there is shortage of beds as well as of medicines that are required to combat covid-19 infection. People actually died just because they couldn’t get treatment on time. It is very scary out there. There’s a lot more that I want to write about but I am just overwhelmed.

It is also making me angry and frustrated. I keep thinking why did this happen? Why aren’t people listening? What is the meaning of all this? How did it come to this? How did it start? Why weren’t we more careful? I just can’t seem to make sense of anything. And I am trying really hard to. I know that this has been happening since before the pandemic but that doesn’t mean it has not affected me. It has. Significantly. It’s just that the people are dying in record numbers and it’s happening at an alarming rate. And it doesn’t have to end up that way.

The people who succumb to the infection die a lonely death without having their loved ones by their side. It’s painful way of dying. It must be painful to lose anyone like that. I don’t think anyone deserves that kind of death. It’s scary and unnecessary.

I know that health care workers are giving their all but they are also carrying a heavy burden. For the first time in their career they don’t know what to do nor do they time to process anything. It’s scary for them too. They must have never imagined this in their career. I am sure half of them are wishing that they weren’t doctors right now. I hope they are safe as well because they aren’t then we wouldn’t have anyone to take care of us.

Lastly, lot of people have lost lot of things, some their livelihood , some their loved ones and not had the chance to be with them in their last moments. To be honest it’s the worst, but let me tell you that you are stronger than this and you will come out of this. Sending healing energies to you all. Stay safe.

Thank you for reading until the end. Love you.

Categories
Uncategorized

THANK YOU โค๏ธ

Hi guys! How are you doing? This is my first blog of the year and I am so sorry that it so long for me to post it. Thank you for waiting.

To begin with, I don’t really know what to write for this blog honestly. I am still wondering about myself. This month has been good to me. I mean there’s still some sadness lingering around but that’s okay. I think this year started with a bang for me, personally. I think it was a result of all that suffering and patience ๐Ÿ˜‚.

To start off, I would like to inform you guys that I got featured as a co-author in a book! I am over the moon. It might be a small thing for some people but for me it’s a huge deal. I never even dreamed of this. It feels awesome.

Secondly, I started my podcast called sunflowers where I speak about my mental health issues. I know that there are lot such podcasts but through this one I attempt to understand myself and others with similar issues, a bit better. It has been going good for now. Like I really got good response for my podcast and I never thought I’d be able to talk about myself this way. I am seeming to understand myself better. I admit that I was a little apprehensive about the whole thing since being vulnerable isn’t something that I am used to but witnessing and experiencing much support, it has really made me realise that I can be happy. Yes, it does sounds a bit clichรจ but it’s true. To be honest I really appreciate myself for taking this step and being brave.

In retrospect, I think, what made decide to do this is the support I have received from you guys. I didn’t think I would be getting as many views as I have got and I didn’t think anyone would even like mg blogs. But I am really happy to have you guys and thank you for all the comments that you guys leave at the end of the blog. It really means a lot. I hope this gives you strength in tbe same way it had given me. I live you. I hope to not disappoint you.

Thank you for reading. Hope you are okay. Awaiting your response ๐Ÿ˜ƒ.

Categories
Uncategorized

Words are weapons. Episode 3

https://anchor.fm/agent-of-chaos/episodes/Words-are-weapons-epaat4

Categories
Uncategorized

Life update.

Hello guys. Happy New year. How are you doing? First I would like to apologise for delay in publishing the new blog. I am so sorry. It’s just that this year has started with new opportunities coming my way and I am just trying to satisfy those. First off, I got published as a co- author and now I have started my podcast journey where I talk about mental health issues. It’s been so much fun and I definitely want to write more. Thank you so much for reading my blogs. I’ll publish it soon. Thank you.

Categories
Uncategorized

Untitled

Categories
Uncategorized

Podcast episode 1. Confessions

Categories
Uncategorized

New podcast!

This is my podcast! Cluck on the link to listen to it.. you’ll find out more. https://open.spotify.com/show/6ichnFiB06M7z7rDct64fq

Categories
Uncategorized

2020- THE EPIPHANY

At the beginning of the year I never thought that I would be experiencing the things that I did during this era of pandemic. This pandemic really served as an eye opener for me. As the lockdown began, I realised that my stimulus, which was the outside world, was being withdrawn from me. As a result of this, my interaction and communication with own self became customary. Who likes that right? But what other choice did I have? There is no one that I have communicated with more than my mind in this pandemic. Not to mention the mental health issues springing up because of this.

As a child I was very introverted and shy. I never really had any outlet to let out my emotions. I have never had a safe zone of going to someone and expressing my concerns. This made me develop keep-things-to-myself kind of attitude. You could say that I used to bottle things up inside me.

I found myself in a similar position in this lockdown. I had no external stimulus to distract myself from my own thoughts.. and I didn’t like what was happening with my mind. I sank into the spiral of negativity and anxiety. But this lockdown, as it progressed, it made me realise certain things.

I have realised that everything is temporary. Up until now I had just heard of it. But having experienced this, I can vouch for its validity. I think it is a good thing that everything thing is temporary. Personally, I don’t want to be burdened with anything that is difficult for me to commit to especially when I am struggling with myself. I can’t pour from an empty cup.

I have realised that I have more than what I need materialistically, and less of what I need mentally. I realised that I am not as wise as I thought I was. There is much more learning still left to do. I have realised that I am both good and bad person. I have flaws and I am imperfect. I often hold someone else responsible for my hardships. I am less of a solution-oriented person and more of a feeling- stage-and then- getting- depressed kind of a person. I think that is okay unless you don’t sink deep down into the rabbit hole of depression and anxiety. A little perspective is always good and it also acts as a protective mechanism against your one dimensional viewpoint.

I realised that the relationships I have made until now are all fragile and that they are independent of me and the other person. They are more or less situational. I need to put an effort equal to the other person. This year I have lost relationships, old friendships, and had family relations going awry. This year I have been lonely, sad, depressed and even suicidal ( not exaggerating) owing to loss of these relationships. I felt uncomfortable and I felt unusually misunderstood. I was angry and hurt and at times I felt like running away. These were the relationships I was most proud of, but now that they have ceased to exist, I have decided to move on. The only thing I need to remember now are the mistakes that I made and then try to refrain from repeating those. I have realised that I am human and I should accept that. My most common misconception was that I thought people like me for who I am and not because I give them what they want. But I am fine and I don’t blame them. I am not really in a position to judge anyone here. I wish them good health. I realised that there are certain things that you can control and certain people who won’t stay in your life.

As the year progressed, I realised that my relationship with my family is independent of us both. My parents and siblings are also individual and that they have a life outside of this relationship.

I realised that I truly don’t own anything or anyone and nothing and no one really owns me. I am my own person and I need to work on myself. I realised that I am good at expressing my thoughts on paper but not so good at expressing them verbally. Working on that. I realised that I am not as skillful in art as I thought I was that I need to pull my socks up. I realised that there’s a universe of knowledge that exists that I am unaware of and I shouldn’t be overwhelmed by it. Baby steps towards learning will help me in the long run. I realised that I am some what smart and intelligent and I just need to find ways be more creative.

I realised that I am beautiful and I shouldn’t pay any heed to anyone’s perception of beauty. I realised that I am an extremely sensitive person and I shouldn’t expect the same from anyone because it’s just unfair. I realised that I have the knack for learning new things and once I get a jump start, I don’t stop until I am satisfied with my work. I realised that I don’t love meat ( sorry meat lovers) as much as I thought I did. I need to work on my health.

I realised that I am raw and I have many experiences to experience that would help me grow as a person. I realised that I am a small part in this magnanimous universe but at the same time I have an astronomical mind.

And lastly, I have realised that I am truly blessed and grateful for the things that I have experienced until now and I am glad to have not give up on myself. There are still certain things that I am not over but I am trying. I am trying to analyse my self a bit more everyday. I am trying to understand myself a bit more everyday. I am trying to forgive myself a bit more everyday. I am trying to be aware of my reactions to my surroundings. I am trying to learn new things. I am trying to accept myself the way I am and embracing the imperfections in me. And I am try to love and respect myself.

Thank you for reading until here. I know it was a long blog so thank you for reading until the end. I really appreciate it. Wishing you best for next year and every year henceforth.

Categories
Uncategorized

Update

How are you guys doing? Hope you are well. I know I haven’t posted in a while but that’s because I haven’t been like myself lately.. also I have my exams coming up in November and I am stressed owing to this pandemic situation. I am trying to make sense of whatever it is that’s happening around me. I really do want to post a blog but I just can’t seem to bring myself to it. Hope I get on the track soon. I miss writing for you and myself. And thankyou for being so patient. Send your best wishes to me in the comments. Okay bye take care. Thank you for reading ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

Categories
Uncategorized

Talking about BTS